Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
