he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
