her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
