Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
