Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
