Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
