once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
