We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
