Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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