Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
