Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
