problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize