If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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