Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
