well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize