Are we in a gay sports bar?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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