I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
