my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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