I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How external is "for external use only"?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
