why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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