At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
