No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Randomize
