I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize