Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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