i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
