I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
