I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
