she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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