So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
