I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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