Just cropdusted the office
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
being pregnant is like rehab
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
