Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
