you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
