We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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