NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
