Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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