It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
