Swine flu is the new snow day.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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