; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize