Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
