I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize