All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
the raccoons are back...
Randomize