Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Houston, we have a squirter
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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