you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize