i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
