dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
