I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
