Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
