If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
