If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
