You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
