maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
