For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
