8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
