Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
