I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
