also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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