don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
