You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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