I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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