Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
