Just took my morning after pill in the library
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize