The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
