So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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