the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
