It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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