It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
