The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
