i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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