i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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