If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
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