Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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